Admit You Want Me Page 14

  Ward nodded proudly. “Yeah. That was right before I blew out my knee. I’m really glad I was able to give that to her. She loves it. She always wanted a lot of land and animals. She loves it, and it’s a good business, too.”

  “Does she ride and rope cattle and stuff?” I knew virtually nothing about ranching other than that it usually involved a lot of cows. It was a very Texas type thing to do, which meant that I had very little interest in it. I saw a cow once. It was unattractive.

  “It’s an alpaca ranch, so no.” He grinned. “They wouldn’t let you ride them. And they’re too small.”

  “An alpaca ranch?” I tried to imagine it.

  “Yeah, you know, from South America. They’re like little lamas.” He gestured the size of an alpaca as being about four feet tall.

  I frowned. “I know what alpacas are. But why would you want an alpaca ranch? Do you eat them?” They didn’t look particularly meaty. But what did I know? Maybe they were delicious?

  Ward laughed so hard he almost lost his fishing pole to Lake Austin. “No. God no. They have wool. Kind of like sheep’s wool. But much softer and warmer.”

  That was somewhat less disturbing to my vegetarian sensibilities.

  “So, your mom raises alpacas now?” For whatever reason, this fact had never come up with Kate over the entire life of our friendship. All I remembered was that Kate had mentioned her mom was an emergency room nurse. That must have been pre-alpaca ranching. How I managed to go so long not knowing my friend’s mom was a professional alpaca farmer was baffling. Perhaps Kate was embarrassed? That was the only explanation I could come up with.

  Ward clearly didn’t have any shame about the situation. “Yes, she does.” He looked extremely pleased with himself that he’d made that happen.

  “Well, to each their own. I’m glad she likes her alpacas and her ranch.” I shrugged and took a sip of my beer, grateful that Ward had thoughtfully packed some fruity beer for me. Ranching sounded like a miserable existence.

  “The alpacas spit when they get angry, scared, or horny. And they smell very, very bad,” Ward added, smiling at me as if trying to imagine me raising alpacas. “You’d hate them.” His voice was amused but certain.

  “I’m sure that I would.” I couldn’t really see myself enjoying spending time around livestock of any variety. I hadn’t even liked ponies as a kid; they frightened me. I’d cried at every petting zoo I’d ever visited in my youth. The spitting and the smelliness of the alpacas didn’t help their case much, either.

  “The babies are really cute though.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.” I shook my head at him. “So other than the alpaca ranch and the Ferrari, you didn’t buy anything else crazy?”

  Ward looked suddenly uncomfortable. He dragged a huge hand through his dark hair, messing it up even worse than the wind already had. “I bought a ton of crazy stuff actually. And I dated several girls that were the female equivalent of Kate’s finance bro.”

  “They had two Rolexes?” I guessed.

  “They did once they started dating me.” He looked embarrassed.

  “Ah, I see.” Ward had liked to spoil his girlfriends. There was technically nothing wrong with that. I smiled at him. “You know, it’s not a crime to spend money on the people you care about.”

  “That’s true,” Ward admitted. “I just wish I’d realized that the girls who hung around football players sometimes cared much more about the money than me.”

  We were talking about Jessie again. No matter what we talked about, she seemed to find her way into our conversations. She was like a heat seeking missile of killing our buzz. I wished I could erase her from Ward’s memory so that she couldn’t hurt him anymore. She’d done enough damage to the man’s views on women, life, and love. She didn’t deserve to come fishing with us, too. She wasn’t invited.

  “At least once you stopped playing you would have learned who your real friends were.” It was probably cold comfort, but at least he knew the truth now.

  Ward laughed bitterly. “I definitely did.” He impaled a bait worm on his fishing hook with a bit more force than was probably necessary. “I found out who was really my friend basically overnight. It was a much smaller number than I thought.” There was definite pain in his voice.

  “I don’t have a lot of friends,” I admitted after watching Ward cast his line out over the water. “But I’m pretty sure that I know they’re all real.” I found myself looking over at Ward fondly.

  He returned my smile long enough that I got embarrassed and had to drop my gaze. I stared out at the calm green water of the lake instead, feeling my cheeks tingling with a blush. Whenever I was with Ward, I seemed to spend a good three quarters of the time blushing like an idiot.

  “Me too,” he said after a minute. His voice was mild, but it filled me with something that felt like hope, but somehow also felt like nervousness. “And that’s worth a lot more to me than anything money could buy.”

  24

  Emma

  We didn’t catch any fish, but by the time we left the lake behind, I was feeling a lot better. Ward seemed happy, too. I found myself thinking about his initial offer on the drive back. I pushed that to the back of my mind with some effort and focused on something else that had been rattling around in my head.

  “Hey Ward?”

  “Hmm?” He’d been humming to himself although I don’t think he realized it.

  “Do you like running a bar?”

  He looked over at me in surprise. “Yeah. I like it.” For a minute I thought that was all I was going to get from him, but then he added, “I didn’t ever think this was how my life would turn out, but I really can’t complain.”

  “You thought you’d play football forever?” Having now done some Googling on football, I understood that at twenty-five, there was a good chance that Ward would be retired no matter what his career in the NFL had been like. Average careers in professional football only lasted between three and six years. Many don’t last that long.

  He laughed. “Yeah. I mean, rationally I knew that I’d eventually get too hurt or too old, but I definitely didn’t have any sort of a plan for once I quit. Looking back, that was really stupid.” He looked only slightly chagrined.

  “You loved it?” It was obvious that he did.

  “God yes. I wish I could explain it to you, but there’s really no way.”

  “Try. I’m really curious. Was it just the competitive thing you enjoyed? Teamwork? The thrill of winning?” It was just football. I didn’t say that, of course. It clearly meant a lot to him.

  Ward’s face was wistful. “All of it. I was the happiest I’d ever been when I was playing for the Longhorns. I was in the best shape of my life, working like a dog, and loving every second of it.”

  “I’m sorry you had to quit.” Although secretly I was also very glad. Some of the injuries that he could have sustained were horrific. I’d gone down some dark internet rabbit holes, and those brain injuries were no joke. I’d also probably never have seen Ward again if he was still playing. And, a cruel little voice crowed in my head, he’d be married to Jessie.

  He shrugged. “I’ve made peace with it. I was lucky to walk again after my injury, so I try to keep things in perspective.” Part of my cyberstalking involved watching Ward’s career ending injury on YouTube. It was completely horrific. I’ve never seen a leg point that many directions at once. Legs aren’t meant to do the things his was doing in the video clips.

  “But running the bar doesn’t make you as happy football did.”

  “Nothing will ever make me as happy as football did.” He seemed one hundred percent sure of that fact.

  Not even love? That made me sad for him. I didn’t know what to say. We lapsed into silence for a bit.

  “What about you, Emma? What makes you happy?” Ward asked. He seemed relieved to turn the tables on me. Little did he know, I’m extremely simple in my tastes.

  I smiled. “I like writing. Compared to you, I’m
very easy to please.”

  “There has to be more to it than just that.”

  “Not really. It’s simple. I just want to write and learn how to do it better.”

  “You don’t need a PhD to write.”

  “No. I don’t. That’s true. But I feel like I’m learning a lot that’s valuable to me as a writer and a thinker.” It sounded sort of lame when I said it out loud, but it was true.

  “Do you want to teach?”

  “Maybe someday. Right now, I primarily want to learn. I guess I’m still trying to figure out what I really want.” I shrugged.

  “That’s ok too. You’re young. You’ve got time to figure out what makes you happy.” He was smiling at me in that way that made my heart pound again.

  “So, do you.”

  He nodded, but I knew he thought his chance for happiness had come and gone. It made me ache for him. I lay my head against the window of the truck and zoned out. The day wasn’t hot, but the sun out on the boat had been bright. It felt good to be in the shade. I closed my eyes for just a second…

  “Emma?”

  I jolted awake. We were parked in front of my apartment. The sun was now shining from a different direction. Time had clearly passed.

  “Oh. Sorry.” I sat up and pushed my windblown hair over my shoulder sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to fall off like that. How long was I asleep?”

  “Half an hour maybe. I didn’t have the heart to wake you.” Ward was looking at me affectionately and it made my heartbeat race. “We’ve been sitting here for about ten minutes.”

  Yikes. That’s a bit embarrassing.

  “I didn’t snore, did I?” Sometimes I’ve been known to snore, but usually only when I have allergies. Or when I’m drunk.

  “No, but you did drool a bit.”

  I gasped in horror, touching my mouth and chin just to be sure. “I did not!”

  He chuckled at me. “No, you didn’t. I was just messing with you. You slept like a baby. It was cute.”

  Great. I love being cute.

  I stretched, and my neck made a loud popping noise, causing Ward to chuckle. “I feel better.”

  “Yeah, naps are wonderful sometimes aren’t they?”

  “That’s not what I meant. I feel better generally. Thanks for taking me fishing.” I grinned. Fishing wasn’t bad. I might even go fishing again sometime. But only if Ward was there with me.

  “You’re welcome.” Ward fidgeted in his seat. “I had fun too.”

  “I can’t believe all I caught was that dumb shoe.” Not a single fish was caught on our so-called fishing trip. All we did was drink beer in a boat and talk for three hours. Not that I was complaining. This was the nicest afternoon I’d had in a long, long time.

  “You did good for a beginner.”

  I smirked at him. “Yeah I did. At least I caught something. You didn’t even catch a shoe.”

  “I got you to come fishing with me. That’s my achievement of the day. Even if it was the fallback.”

  “Right, because you were so sure I’d pick option one.” I rolled my eyes, but I was definitely considering it. I’d been low-key considering it all day.

  “I told you. A man can dream.” He looked me over with enough heat behind his eyes to make me flush again. That’s all I seemed to do with Ward, blush, blush, blush. He knew just how to make me do it.

  It was time for me to get out of the car now. Time to go inside, maybe do some chores. Alone. I bit my lip. I thought about the consequences of being responsible and smart, and the possible benefits of being impulsive. The cost benefit analysis warred in my brain for about two seconds until my hormones beat my fear into submission.

  “Ward, what would happen if I told you I still wanted option one?”

  He froze. Looked over at me. The bright blue of his irises receded as his pupils dilated, drinking me in with all the available light. My heart pounded, filling my ears with the noise of my own pulse. The seconds ticked by at half their ordinary speed while I waited for him to say something. One torturous second. Two seconds. Three. I was going to die. Finally, he spoke.

  “Your place or mine?” Ward’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, and almost amused. It was almost like he knew that I’d end up right here, asking for what I knew would only get my heart broken. Maybe he really did know me better than I thought. Well enough to guess what I’d barely admitted to myself.

  His gaze was free of judgement or manipulation. It only held attraction and the promise of more. A dull, throbbing need started up in me, blurring out any second thoughts. All I wanted was him. And right now, even if it was only for right now, he wanted me too. I could let that be enough, couldn’t I? If I went into this without my hopes up, could I escape the pain? I felt like I ought to be able to. At that second, with him looking at me the way he was, I felt like I could do anything I wanted. I felt like I could fly.

  I knew I was making a stupid decision. A decision I was going to regret. But with Ward looking at me like that, knowing that he was at least an ok guy, at least my friend… I was at least making my bad choice with both eyes wide open. I couldn’t resist him. There was never a chance in the world that I might.

  “Well, we’re already at mine.”

  25

  Ward

  Emma led me up to her apartment. It looked the same way it did when we left it several hours earlier, but somehow being in Emma’s space now felt so much more intimate than it had before. Maybe it was just the way she kept looking at me over her shoulder, like she was expecting me to disappear. Little did she know that there was nothing—nothing—that could drag me away.

  She didn’t waste time on the pleasantries. No offers of coffee. No chit-chat. We were past that, anyway. After checking to make sure her roommate was gone, she glanced behind to make sure I would follow, and opened up the first door on the right down her tiny hallway. Her bedroom was exactly like I’d imagined, and yes, I’d spent plenty of time imagining it. More time than I probably should have. Possibly hours at this point.

  Ever since she texted me that picture of herself, topless and wearing the world’s tiniest little thong, I’d been imagining her on those neat, lacey bedsheets. I’d imagined doing all kinds of dirty things to her on them, usually with my phone in my left hand and my cock in the other…

  And now I was here. It was real. Surreal. More surreal than Emma cheering at a football game and going fishing. More surreal than the Tarasque monster from the museum exhibit. Even more surreal than that girl’s weird hairball art.

  “What are you staring at?” Emma asked, touching her face like she might have a piece of food or stray pen mark.

  I shook my head at her. The truth slipped out before I could come up with some charming line. “I’m just hoping you aren’t about to laugh in my face and tell me to get out.”

  She stepped in closer. “I’m not that much of a tease.”

  “Good.” I closed the distance between us in a single step, grasping Emma’s slender waist and pulling her the final inch forward against my chest. She looked up at me dreamily, threading her little arms around my neck.

  “This isn’t a bad idea, is it?” she whispered. “You’ll still be my friend after this, won’t you? Nothing has to be weird, right?”

  There was that word again. Why the hell did I ever say that? But at the moment I was beyond any complex emotions. Even worrying. She was already in my arms.

  “Everything will be fine,” I promised her, even though I knew it was a lie. I wasn’t her friend in the first place, not really. I’d never wanted to be her friend, not since the moment I laid eyes on her. “Don’t worry. We can go back to being mean to each other tomorrow.”

  She nodded. “Ok.”

  Then I was kissing her soft, warm mouth and everything else faded away. Emma’s kisses were less urgent than the night before, but just as teasing and somehow sexier now that we could take our time. And I took my time with her, carefully claiming every corner of her. At least for this moment, she was mi
ne. I wanted her to feel that way and so I stole her breath to prove it.

  By the time the back of her calves collided with her mattress, I’d peeled her flimsy t-shirt off her and helped her do the same to me. She was wearing another lacey bra today. This one was sea green, like her eyes. It was very pretty, but it needed to be gone. Immediately.

  I’ve never been a huge lingerie lover. By the time I see it, I always just want to tear it off. It didn’t matter how pretty, sexy, or elaborate Emma’s lingerie was, this fabric was keeping me from seeing Emma, and I knew she’d be prettier. Better. This piece of lingerie, however, seemed to lack the usual closure. My fingers fumbled around helplessly on her back as I tried to find it.

  “It’s in the front,” Emma murmured against my mouth. Her lips had turned upward into a smile. She probably liked me like this. Desperately wanting her. Even though we were barely started, my cock was rock-hard and straining against the material of my jeans. But as badly as I wanted to be pounding into her, growling her name and making her moan mine, I wouldn’t dare skip the details.

  Now that the mystery of Emma’s bra was solved, I slid the closure apart and got my first look. Emma’s perfect, soft, teardrop shaped tits spilled forward. They fit perfectly in my hands. For a woman so damn short, she had all her curves exactly where they ought to be. She arched into my palms with a shy smile on her face, and I worked each pink nipple into a stiffer point with my thumb and forefingers.

  “These are going to get me into trouble,” I told her seriously, pinching her a bit harder until she gasped. “You’ve got quite a lot here for me to play with.”

  “We’ve got all night,” she answered, easing herself backward onto the bed and pulling me with her.

  All night isn’t going to cut it. It won’t be nearly enough.

  I didn’t say it, of course. Instead, I lowered my head down and licked her, before sucking her soft, warm nipple into my mouth. I was greedy for her, and she was eager for it. Her little fingers held the back of my head steady, buried in my hair, urging me on. She spread her legs beneath me and I settled in between them, carefully attending to her chest until each nipple was a wet, hard dark pink point.